@jasonroeder

I don’t think my neighbor knows my rule about not interacting unless we’re both pointing at the same tornado.

You Might Also Like

@SteveKoehler22

Fashion Facts –

Adam was the first designer-
with his Eden line of clothing

Eve wore his first creation-
the ribbed t-shirt with fig leaf

@DaddyJew

Honey, I’m stopping off at the liquor store, what do you want for Christmas?

@UhhhJasonWebb

“Somebody needs to go to the store!”-mom yelling from the kitchen

“Jason, you think you’re somebody. Why don’t you go to the store?”- Dad

@JustDontBugMe

[Before Marriage]

ME, looking into the mirror: ugh. my eyebrows are out of control, I need to get them waxed.

HIM, placing a finger on the lips: shhh, you’re still perfect.

[After Marriage]

HIM: GOOD GOD GROUCHO MARX!!!

@Adar79Angie

I let friend’s kid call my ex & say “Are you really my daddy?” while I’m in the background yelling “hang up the phone,he doesn’t want you!”

@AmishPornStar1

With the proper diet and lack of exercise, you can turn any jeans into skinny jeans.