@FunnyJokeBook
Why do pretty faces happen to bad people?
@jasonroeder
I don’t think my neighbor knows my rule about not interacting unless we’re both pointing at the same tornado.
You Might Also Like
@FunnyJokeBook
@NoChillPosts
LMAO
@SteveKoehler22
Fashion Facts –
Adam was the first designer-
with his Eden line of clothingEve wore his first creation-
the ribbed t-shirt with fig leaf
@DaddyJew
Honey, I’m stopping off at the liquor store, what do you want for Christmas?
@UhhhJasonWebb
“Somebody needs to go to the store!”-mom yelling from the kitchen
“Jason, you think you’re somebody. Why don’t you go to the store?”- Dad
@JustDontBugMe
[Before Marriage]
ME, looking into the mirror: ugh. my eyebrows are out of control, I need to get them waxed.
HIM, placing a finger on the lips: shhh, you’re still perfect.
[After Marriage]
HIM: GOOD GOD GROUCHO MARX!!!
@AllanCresswell
There’s no mirrors in this self checkout?!?
@mom_ontherocks
Me: Where’s the remote?
Toddler: I didn’t eat it!
@Adar79Angie
I let friend’s kid call my ex & say “Are you really my daddy?” while I’m in the background yelling “hang up the phone,he doesn’t want you!”
@AmishPornStar1
With the proper diet and lack of exercise, you can turn any jeans into skinny jeans.