You Might Also Like

@juliussharpe

I bet “Fifty Shades of Grey” won’t make that much money because most of the people who want to see it are tied to a bedpost.

@WheelTod

Somewhere a village is missing its idiot.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, I can’t remember where I live.

@LuvPug

We all started out as eggs here.
Apparently, some just end up cracking.

@meganamram

When singers at concerts hold out the mic for the audience to sing, it’s like what am i, your maid

@yeaanotherchris

I don’t want to have sex with you, but I don’t want anyone else to either.

-marriage

@AndrewNadeau0

Wolverine was named that because he was a combination of a wolf and a nectarine I will not be taking questions at this time.

@Brianhopecomedy

Got really excited when my wife said she was going to teach me something new in the bedroom until she started folding a fitted sheet.