I don’t understand why people get excited about carbon dating.

But then perhaps I just haven’t met the right pencil.

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Some cultures fear that when someone takes your photograph they steal your soul.

You should be fine, though.


‘Failed to send tweet,’ is Twitter’s polite way of saying, ‘Dude..’


The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not have brains is great news for stupid people.


The Simpsons need to have an episode where Arsenal win the Champions League


My jeans say “no more Christmas goodies” but my leggings are like “we got you, gurrrl”


*walking into our new house*
ME: Whaddya say we christen our new home?
HER: *giggling* OK

*later, flinging holy water*



JURASSIC PARK is a movie abt how just bc something is great doesn’t mean u should bring it back and it has three sequels


My Quarantine Routine:

8:30 get woken up by dogs
8:40 let dogs out
8:52 let dogs in
11:51 let dogs out
12:20 let dogs in
4:47 let dogs out
4:59 let dogs in
7:14 let dogs out
7:38 let dogs in
8:16 let dogs out
8:18 let dogs in
10:20 let dogs out
10:25 let dogs in


If I wake and then I bake, I pray The Lord for chocolate cake. Amen.