*only shaves legs in the spots exposed by my ripped jeans*
I don’t want to criticize but whoever named them brownies wasn’t trying very hard.
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I’m going to hire a Priest, a Doctor and a Rabbi to walk into a bar together just to see WTF happens. Backup Plan: I’ll also bring a horse.
me: they’re all so cute but i don’t know if i can take one away from its mother and siblings
pumpkin patch employee: ok
All I’m saying is I’d rather stick my hand in a tank of piranhas than dig through my wife’s purse.
What if the missing plane is still up there?
Did you check the sky?
See, this is why you’ll never advance, Kevin.
BELLE: I love you
BEAST: You broke the curse!
[transforms into hideously ugly man]
BELLE: Welp, guess you’re all good. I gotta roll. Peace
Just used the phrase “my good coat hanger”, if you’re wondering if I have a Swiss Bank Account.
1818: My dearest Katherine, I write this letter in the hope that it finds you. It has been 3 fortnights since our last correspondence. I fear the lack of communique means you may have finally succumbed to the pox…
2018: Bro i texted u 10 mins ago u ded?
Check on your friends stuck in quarantine with kids that never stop talking.
We are NOT ok.