@Spotzwoj

“I don’t want to talk about it, so I posted some lyrics for you to decipher about how it’s your fault.” ~ girls

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@BillMc7

Seems like Hello Kitty should be a brand of condoms.

@LizHackett

“Take me with you,” I whisper, palms pressed to the windowpane, watching the trash truck drive away.

@_Shizzle

I went on a date with a girl I met from twitter once. It didn’t work out, but he’s one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met.

@TheCatWhisprer

If you want to know what you really look like hand your phone to a 5-year-old to take a picture.

@guyrleech

I took my 8-year-old to the office on Take Your Child to Work Day. As we were walking around, she starting crying & getting very cranky, so I asked her what was wrong. As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed, ‘Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said you worked with?’ 🤣

@SteveSackington

For fun, I steal my married friends phones & change my name to
‘Brandy from the club’
then repeatedly call them & hang up at 3am.

#topahole

@Probablyrad

Today’s kids will never know how it felt to give your computer AIDS just for free music

@sablaah

brown rice can’t be THAT much better for you, can it? I ask because I don’t like it

@stevevsninjas

-Balderdash!
-Codswallop!
-Tommyrot!
-Poppycock!

Victorian Era YouTube comments