A dating app that matches up the only-eats-the-icing people with the only-eats-the-cake people
I don’t wear tight skirts because I’m flirty, I wear tight skirts because they used to fit.
*eats another Oreo*
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Egyptians don’t walk like that.
Do cannibals just upload a bunch of pictures of their friends on Instagram?
A sadist doctor keeps his stethoscope in a fridge
Billion dollar idea: Meth with Flouride
nobody, nobody, nobody likes the guy who’s suspiciously knowledgeable about age of consent laws
An atheist: I am an atheist btw
Spoil any movie by telling ur friend “Ice Cube dies” before they watch it. They’ll be waiting for Ice Cube to appear and die the whole time
I get it, artificial Christmas tree. I also can’t fit in my pre-Christmas box.
A triumphant is an especially successful elephant.