I don’t wear tight skirts because I’m flirty, I wear tight skirts because they used to fit.

*eats another Oreo*

You Might Also Like


A dating app that matches up the only-eats-the-icing people with the only-eats-the-cake people


Do cannibals just upload a bunch of pictures of their friends on Instagram?


A sadist doctor keeps his stethoscope in a fridge


nobody, nobody, nobody likes the guy who’s suspiciously knowledgeable about age of consent laws


Spoil any movie by telling ur friend “Ice Cube dies” before they watch it. They’ll be waiting for Ice Cube to appear and die the whole time


I get it, artificial Christmas tree. I also can’t fit in my pre-Christmas box.


A triumphant is an especially successful elephant.