I can’t believe I’m in class on Presidents’ Day. This is an obamanation.
I drink Rockstar cause I’m a rockstar. My wife drinks Monster.
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My dog is so passive-aggressive. She let me sleep in late this morning, but then counter-surfed and stole my breakfast.
Friend’s Insta caption: how do you spend your Saturday’s?
Me: well I don’t spend them adding apostrophes to unsuspecting words that’s for sure
Everyone was texting her good morning sunshine, so I texted her “good morning solar eclipse”
Yeah, don’t do that.
[cuddling w/ 5 yr old son]
I hope he wants to do this forever
[25 yrs later]
this has lost its charm
When two people miss a high five two ghosts get smacked in the face
Does the writer who left the space blank get upset when a note is added that it was intentionally left blank?
Seriously joggers?! You’re gonna run and carry on a conversation at the same time?
And I’m all outta breath just finishing this McMuffin!!!
She changed her mind ..
Hope the new one works !!
“Are you crying .?” “No, my eyes are sweating -_____-” #ITTS