“I dropped the ball”

– things you never wanna hear during a Vasectomy

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“Never Have I Ever” is a party game and fun way to find out who shouldn’t be donating blood.


Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy if you put it in your stomach first.


The guy I cheat off moved seats before today’s spelling test, like he’s teaching me some kind of lessen.


Mediums are on the decline because no one from the past wants to talk to us anymore


My “Savings Account” is just several pairs of unwashed jeans on the floor that may or may not still have change in the pockets.


SALT: ahh push it
PEPA: ahh push it
OBGYN: ahh push it

{two minutes later} ooh baby baby


[first day as a wizard] now, to cook the perfect amount of pasta


10:00: gets in hammock

10:00 to 10:20: relaxes in hammock

10:21 to 11:57: gets out of hammock


I just found out that his full name is actually Vehicle Identification Number Diesel.


I’ve counted 8 people so far whose New Years resolutions include “loose weight”. Can I add spelling to your list too?