@hipchkk: I encourage my kids to explore art. I insist they know Picasso's Blue Period had nothing to do with the menstrual cycle of a Smurf.
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@KalvinMacleod: 911 what's the emergency "Please help, I made too much spaghetti" Relax sir, we've all been th—*spaghetti starts coming out of the phone*
@Bad_Ass_Trucker: Women to the left of me Women to the right of me That's when I realized I was in the wrong bathroom
@CEHudspeth: "I can try" is a great response to invitations because you're not even committing to trying.
@Fred_Delicious: Furious that Game of Thrones didn’t exclusively cater to me, the only person who watches it