@hipchkk

I encourage my kids to explore art. I insist they know Picasso’s Blue Period had nothing to do with the menstrual cycle of a Smurf.

You Might Also Like

@UberFacts

A mentally ill man shot himself in the head as a suicide attempt. The bullet cured his disorder and he became a straight-A college student.

@G_Faylor

[trying to check out girl at grocery store]
cashier: please take her off the conveyor belt

@TheBosha

Each year more people die in bathtub accidents than plane accidents, but any idiot thinking they can fly a bathtub deserves what they get.

@JervanF

I can’t wait till I have kids so I can drive slowly past McDonalds and tell them there’s food at home when they ask for some..

@FredTaming

agent, on phone: my clients have decided to accept your third offer

me: it’s off the table

agent: {muffled} ..what about the second

me: also off the table

agent: {muffled} ..ok fine, they’ll take first then

me: hold on, let me get my cat out of here

@Fred_Delicious

Cool prank: lead 50 pugs to the top of a waterslide & send them down 1 by 1 as the parents waiting at the bottom get increasingly confused

@aissalanis

Him: Im just going to grab a quick beer with Tod after the gym, it shouldn’t take long.

Brain: that seems reasonable, you are not even gonna be home.

Hormones: tell him you hope he lives happily forever after with Tod.

@JeffisTallguy

Me: *completing a puzzle* see if the pieces are soggy they fit wherever