date: so what do you do?
me: *recalling how I deface every mesh window covering I see with Sharpie* I’m a screenwriter
I ended it after I checked his browser history and found hundreds of video game walk-throughs. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
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“Hey, your fly’s down”
*pets fly’s head* you’ll be alright little buddy, chin up.. we’ll get you some new wings
Today is Star Wars Day, which means we should all reflect on a simpler time in our lives, when Harrison Ford didn’t have an earring.
It’s the man who is supposed to be getting up to make the coffee in the morning. It’s even in the Bible under “Hebrews.”
Every time I bend over to pick something up, my husband magically appears behind me.
I was on a date with a girl and she said “did you notice my finger nails?” And I was like “yes” and she was like “well I have no arms”
“y2k” making us anxious
“k” making us anxious
After I saw that my wife “Checked In” to the mall I called to report her credit cards stolen.