If you want to hide a gift for your husband, just put it in the pantry with one thing in front of it.
I enjoy quaint, old-fashioned customs like being nice to people.
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My ex (2 years ago) : Let’s spice things up and role play!
Me: I’m in!
Ex: “Good evening, Mr. Grey…”
Me: I’m out!
me: *fixing something*
him: that’s not broken
me: well, it is now
It’s adorable how I write “beer” on my shopping list like I’d somehow forget.
I will never tell you what I did for a Klondike bar. That’s between me and the survivors.
Cop – Have you been drinking?
Me – No, just taking my photo with R2D2 here.
Cop – Sir that’s a fire hydrant.
I’m the girl who shows up at a Halloween party where everyone is dressed as something sexy and I’m dressed as a bean bag.
May you have the confidence and independence of my 5yo, who sneezes and says, “Bless you, me!”
Me: I have no friends
My bed: Wow I’m like right here
Apparently, my superpower is being invisible to bartenders.