duolingo: he is a boy
me: él es un niño
duolingo: she is a girl
me: ella es una niña
duolingo: can i make it anymore obvious
I envy the women who can bite their bottom lip and look sexy. I do that and it’s a toss up between “does she need to go to the bathroom and is lost?” Or “is she getting that piece of corn out from her teeth?”
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Imagine this: you’re home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers “Bless you” and hangs up
Puts streamers and balloons in the bathroom
*adds Professional Party Pooper to resumé
I don’t hold grudges or plot for revenge, I will simply send a bunch of Jehovah’s witnesses to your door…on a daily basis.
You say lobotomy like it’s a bad thing.
ME: this is great
INSTRUCTOR: you’ve never used a gun before, huh?
ME: [throwing another gun at the target] I need more guns
MOM: One more word and you are grounded missy
ME: (terrified of being electrocuted) Yay!
Capri sun packages were designed to teach kids how to do emergency tracheotomies
When I get new followers I lean in close and whisper to their avi:
“You’ve chosen wisely, Grasshopper.”
Life is like a cup of coffee…
No matter how much sugar you put in it, there’s always grounds at the end.