My daughter said “daddy we are not friends with Brooklyn because she said I dress weird”
No questions asked now I got beef with a 4 y/o named Brooklyn and her father.
I dont make the rules to this gang shit. I just play my role.
I fed the cows marijuana.
The steaks have never been higher.
You Might Also Like
It’s amazing how a simple act of kindness can change my bad mood into a suspicious bad mood.
ME: sorry boss, can’t come in today. i’m sick as a dog.
DOG: [heelys passed – smoking a pipe] you wish, bro
My wife just walked into a huge spider web.
She is now a black belt in karate.
idk who needs to hear this but if you ever need to move a lamb over a wall, here u go
[after fight with bane]
batman: my back is broken
batman’s mom: it’s bc you’re on the computer too much
Quick tip for people who use mobile telephones:
If you’re tired of throwing away phones every time your battery dies, check out “phone chargers”. It’s a device that restores your phone’s battery. I recently invested in one and now I no longer need to buy a new phone every day
Doctor: “Are you sexually active?”
Me: “I’m not even physically active”
A kiss begins with K. But it’s also just a text from someone who doesn’t want to have a conversation with you.
hostess: table or booth
termite family: we’ll have both