HAHA ME AND MY NEW BOYFRIEND QUIT SMOKING TOGETHER NO ONE WILL GET MURDERED FOR SURE.
I feel bad for spiders. I tripon my two feet all the time. Can only imagine the hell a clumsy spider goes through.
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“Give your email a good password. Letters, symbols, numbers.”
“What about my atm card which holds all my money?”
“Any 4 numbers in a row.”
The How I Met Your Mother series will end tonight & everyone is thinking the same thing…if only it were The Big Bang Theory instead.
[at TED talk]
OMG that man is having a heart attack! Anyone here a doctor?
*entire crowd stands*
No a MEDICAL doctor
*entire crowd sits*
OH COME ON
Give a man a baby, and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to baby, and i think this saying only works for fish actually.
I use these ( … ) a lot.
For which, I believe, the technical term is Dotty Dot Dots.
BEEKEEPER: *opens up beehive and finds a peanut butter and jelly sandwich* If that’s here…
KID: *opens up lunchbox in school cafeteria*
“Jurassic Park” is still my favorite movie about giant electric fences.
Just heard a woman ask if she left her teeth over there
Really hoping this is Halloween related