@SaxMouse: I feel like all bears are Bad News Bears. I've never seen a bear and was like "Oh, he looks like he has good news for us, lets stick around"
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@Parkerlawyer: In 5th grade the boy I had a crush on called me on the phone and told me he loved me...then screamed April Foooools and hung up. It took me 34 years but jokes on you, Chris. I don’t even like you that much anymore.
@JohnLyonTweets: *offers chair for $25 at garage sale; no takers* *glues old gears and cogs to chair* *sells "steampunk sitting contraption” on eBay for $800*
@jwoodham: DUMBLEDORE: Say hello to our new Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher, Professor Totally-Not-Working-For-Voldemort. SNAPE: Dude, seriously?