Ten Ways To Tell If Your Kitchen Is Haunted:
1.) Flying forks
2.) Pre-fried eggs
3.) Fridge moaning/wailing
I feel like my heart’s been ripped out and my soul eaten by a herd of wild cats whenever anyone accuses me of being overly dramatic.
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My husband said he was taking a spider out, instead of killing it. That was an hour ago. I bet they’re drunk by now.
Not to brag but my wife bought toothpaste because she thought it was almost empty and I squeezed out paste for two more months.
If your idea of an “Epic” deal is $5 off then we may have different interpretations of that word, Pottery Barn.
The cat puked all over the bath mat so I just tossed it into the trash can. Then I put the bath mat in the washer.
There’s no way to look cool when the doctor walks into your exam room just as you’re blowing up a rubber glove.
Based on the amount of tools I’ve dated, you’d think I got a deal at The Home Depot
For a cheap high after age 30, just squat down for a few minutes, then stand up really quickly.
I have a really bad stomach ache, I hope it’s an alien.
Remember kids, if you’re driving in the snow and start skidding, turn into the direction of the cheapest car.