me: *pretends to read an email*
boss: did u just say “pretends to read an email”
I feel like people are in such a hurry these days, that there isn’t enough moseying happening anymore. Dont even get me started on sauntering and lollygagging.
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The rest of these people must be totally shitfaced.
-me, driving in England
[runs thru the funeral chasing a bagpipe player]
“Stop hurting that octopus!”
Me: *pssst* tell the girl wearing the white dress I think she’s hot
Priest: absolutely not
*hip thrusts my way to the buffet table*
Me: *buying one beer, one carrot, one potatoe & one steak*
Cashier: you must be single?
Me: yes, lol. How did you know?
Cashier: you’re ugly.
Spring cleaning checklist…
Dear people who question why girls go to the bathroom together, Hermione went alone and got attacked by a troll.
Breaking News ….. international womans day postsponed until tomorrow , as they haven’t got anything to wear
ME: i forgot my charger
COWORKER: you should invest in a spare to keep in your bag
ME: i forgot all 4 of my chargers