@NoogsCorner: I finally opened the condom in my wallet and it had a beard.
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@KevinFarzad: Sometimes u see the moon during the day and it's like, wow, how embarrassing. Showed up early because you were bored? Get a life, nerd moon.
@Parker_Simpson: It concerns me when someone comes out of the bathroom stall and has to wash their hands all the way up to their elbows
@RocketRankoon: Nothing says rock bottom quite like having your head in the oven for 45 minutes before you realize you forgot to pay the gas bill