WHAT ARE WE?
WHAT ARE WE WRITING?
Snacks first, THEN writing!
No, wait, coffee/tea too!
Maybe a nap beforehand!
No, then Twitter
Too late! Time for bed! Writing tomorrow
I finally opened the condom in my wallet and it had a beard.
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[Christopher Columbus arriving in Hell]
Columbus: I’m the first person here! I discovered this!
I’m unpredictable. Like a dad on a field trip.
I yelled at my wife “Your skirt is way too short”
She replied, “That’s because it’s made for a woman. Now take it off & give it to me”
*pets a duck* helo litle friemd u used to b a dinosuar
Today is the first day of the rest of your life and you’ve already screwed it up.
Dentist switches lamp on: “Now open wide”
Moth dental assistant: *repeatedly flies into bulb*
Dentist: “This has to stop Denise”
Me: Am I your only friend?
Imaginary friend: Sure are!
Imaginary friend’s imaginary friend: Wow, I’m right here.
Once I tried to rescue this kitten stuck in a tree only it wasn’t a kitten it was an owl and he was, like…he was fine there.
You can literally say “the night is young” at any time of day or night. Nobody is policing this.