Waiter, Waiter, there’s a small slug in my salad.
I’m so sorry Sir, would you like me to bring you a bigger one?
#WaiterJokes #RubbishJokes #Puns #DadJokes
I find it inconsiderate that policemen always ask if I had been drinking but they never bother to ask if I had anything to eat at all
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HOST: First up we have… Oh-
ME: [dislocates shoulder waving to camera]
mob boss: stick his body in the compost pile
mob boss (grabbing my collar intently): we might be killers, but u only got one earth
This Viagra show looks cool but they keep cutting away to football
Every once in a while someone really special walks into your life. That person is usually delivering a pizza
That touchdown dance is exactly the same as mine when I wake up in a guy’s apartment and his furnished apartment has a nice view.
Are you watching too much T.V but not doing enough reading? Turn your subtitles on. Boom, problem solved!
I have a spot on my glasses but nothing to clean the lens with so I’m learning not to see it. So…pretty much how I deal with all my problems.
Only marriage can turn an incorrectly folded towel into an act of war.
This Brexit vote is all wrong
If you want to leave the EU, dump some tea in the harbor and fight a war.