I finished 3 books today. Believe me, that’s a lot of coloring…

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Kid: Would you like to buy me this candy bar or watch me have a Stage 5 meltdown in front of a bunch of strangers who are quietly judging your parenting?


Dickens: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times
Schrödinger: Nice, nice


*me, at the bank, looking around in child-like wonderment*
so, this is where my 12 dollars lives


Check out this list number 5 is awesome.


16: If you could pick your own pronouns, what would they be?

Me: Well, I can and I choose cheesecake.

16: Cheesecake isn’t a pronoun.

Me: Yes, but everyone loves cheesecake.

16: Exactly, pick something else.


If life had a ‘CTRL + ALT + DEL’ option, you bet your ass I’d be hitting that thing about 14 times a day.


Van Gogh: “Dude, I saw this hella vase of sunflowers today.”

Gauguin: “Pics, or it didn’t happen.”

[van gogh pulls out oil paints & easel]


New boyfriend is allergic to kitten so can’t keep him 🙁 He’s ginger & named Tom. Friendly. Comes when called. 28yrs-old & works in IT.