I have Tourettes syndrome, but instead of swearing, I yell out movies that Nicolas Cage has been in
I found a comb on the street today, so long story short, I’ll be trying lots and lots of new hairstyles tonight.
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coming to theaters soon: Dawn of the Rise of the Dawn of the Planet of the Rise of the Rise of the Dawn of the Apes
I want a relationship like from Up.
She dies and I get a flying house.
Dude that’s not a tire swing its a warning to other tires that trespass in my yard
“What colour would you call this?”
“What colour would you call this, o wise and beautiful identifier of colours?”
date: “i like dangerous guys, are you dangerous?”
[thinking about the amount of plugs i have in one outlet behind the tv]
me: “yes i am”
If your pharmacist was as hot as mine, you’d be in line for your fifteenth flu shot as well.
Cop: There was no else going anywhere nearly as fast as you!
Me: I know. I was winning.
(at the doctor)
Can u cough for me?
Can u exhale for me?
Can u make kissy noises?
Can you beatbox at my wedding? the dj backed out.
Grandma’s funeral ft. Pitbull