Women: The best part of my day, is taking off my bra.
I found my people and neither them nor I are happy about it
You Might Also Like
Dude with 7 followers is criticizing my jokes. That’s not a Twitter account. It’s a group text.
Betrayal Treasury, Age 5:
Instead of ice cream after my tonsillectomy, a lime popsicle, the texture of which I do not enjoy.
Spoiler alert: The people who can’t believe your kid is in Kindergarten already won’t be able to believe they’re in any grade, any year ever
Saw a police officer dressed as a pilot today & thought it was weird. Then I realized he must be one of those “plane clothes cops.”
It’s Election Eve, Not Election and Steve!
i hope my 2 grandmothers dont find out about each other
The national language is Yeet. Your daughter’s fiancé is a YouTuber whose legal name is Landon FTW.
Apparently the main job qualification for being a pirate was that you had to be named after a beard.
I may not be the brightest crayon in the tool shed but at least I’m great at analogies.