Why would a straight guy hate gay guys?
Here’s a group of men who look better than you.. but don’t even want women.
You should be glad.
I fully support any type of marriage that doesn’t involve me.
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Watching my coworkers split a cupcake three ways was more upsetting than the first time I missed my period.
I sleep with my clothes on and one eye open. Not because I’m scared, but my zipper is broken and I’ve had too much botox on one side.
Texting my wife when we were dating – What are you wearing?
Texting my wife now – Did the dog poop?
People on this site love to complain that there are no good billionaires, but there’s a simple solution: if every one of my followers gives me $3500 I will become the one good billionaire
i would take so many bribes if i was a judge. half my shit would be bribes. take bribes from the criminals until theyre too poor to do crime
I know why you wear your wedding ring on your left hand guys. Cause once you say “I do” your right hand is gonna be awful busy.
[picking out clothes] ah yes, what lovely garment shall i stain with food on this fine day
CHEMIST: Do you like science jokes? I think they’re so
CHEMIST: very funny
HER: Thought you were gonna say sodium funny
I have never in my life tried to pronounce an L so hard than when asking my dad for the “caulk”