@MaraWilson: I get all snooty about Great British Bake Off contestants doing things wrong like two years ago I wasn't googling "what is shoe pastry"
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@yaboydil: Some say global warming is caused by an increase in greenhouse gases, but I know that's a cover up for the truth: too many hot local singles
@Naked_Wombat: Hey terrorists, wanna cripple America? Hack Twitter and cause all DM's to go public. I'm just kidding, don't do that shit. We'd kill you.
@Cryonius: 3 things that makes me stress: • hot days • annoying people • stand close to annoying people in hot days
@SheBanggs: I'm going to name my son Red so he'll grow up to be a wise sportswriter or the prison inmate who knows how to get things. Hopefully both.