So I said, “Why don’t you eat one of these fried cornbread balls,” and he said “hush puppie,” so I said, “You hush, you piece of shit,” and one thing led to another court date.
I get bi with a little help from my girl friends.
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Friend: I like your blush
Me: Thanks, it’s called Panic Attack
God: I call it a Caterpillar
Angel: What is it?
God: A worm with feet
Angel: You’re really out of ideas huh?
God: Then it grows wings
priest: your mission should you choose to accept it, is to face your fate
groom: can you please stop saying that
if you think about it Medusa had a lot of solid friends
*on my deathbed*
*groggy, dazed, & delirious*
Me: I wonder if my TC ever really loved me?
Wife: Honey, what’s a TC?
Me: *pulls plug*
I had an affair with English. Since then, Math and I don’t speak.
Cutting Crew: I just died in your arms tonight. Must’ve been something you said…
Me: *closing book of spells* Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit!
If there is an opportunity for me to put my pants on backwards in the dark, I take it every time. Apparently.
“Found another body, sheriff. Just like the others, she didn’t forward the letter to 10 friends.”
-from The Texas Chain Letter Massacre