ME: I’m ok. I’m ok. It’s just cramp.
GYM INSTRUCTOR: Ok, tie your other lace and lets do this.
i get ignored so much
my name should be terms and conditions
You Might Also Like
I like to confuse people who give me the finger by responding with jazz hands.
JOB INTERVIEWER: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
MARTY MCFLY: I literally have no idea.
Maybe the raccoons threw away something very important. Did you ever think about that you big jerk.
People that add “oholic” to jokingly describe things they’re addicted to seem to be unclear as to where the word “alcohol” ends.
I’m missing the VMAs. Who’s losing? Is it music?
Welcome to passive aggressive club.
We’re so happy you came twenty minutes late. Sure, get a cup of coffee, we’ll wait.
PLATO: I’m famous in the future? I bet the word platonic is used to describe philosoph–
It’s for relationships where nobody’s getting laid
Enemas make shit happen. No seriously.
I feel sorry for dogs. They learnt to fetch newspapers, but newspapers are dying. Killed by an internet driven by cats.