If I had a dollar for every time someone got me to try a beer by saying it didn’t taste like beer, I’d call it my I?T? D?O?E?S? T?O?O? T?A?S?T?E? L?I?K?E? B?E?E?R?? money.
I get it grandma. I’m not sure what to do on Facebook either.
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Me: With a name like that, your parents must hate you.
Myparentsdislikeme: Hate is a strong word.
David Attenborough voice
“Amazing. See how the youngest of the species always needs something when the mother is in the bathroom.”
Me: he’s cute, how old is he?
Guy: 25 months
Me: first kid?
Guy: yeah, how’d you know?
Me: because you didn’t say “he’s 2”
mom: you’re 42 years old I’m not reading you a bedtime story every night
inventor of the audiobook: if you won’t, I’ll find somebody who will, Ma
Welcome to woodworking club, please make a seat.
On the phone to the chinese food place & my cat’s all chatty… I cover the receiver and hiss “Shhh, you want them to hear you?”
Hey boy, are you a nap? because I wanna have you all the time.
10YO: What 6 things would you want on a deserted island?
Me: 1) You–
10YO: Seriously? Why would you drag me into that?
Them: Do you know what your problem is?