I get it grandma. I’m not sure what to do on Facebook either.

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Why would America make the bald eagle its national bird when all they do is attack things and fly away and nevermind I think I get it now.


So the US is to send 3000 troops to help combat ebola.

Does anyone else get the feeling they don’t know what ebola is?


When picking art supplies for your children, never pick glitter. You will always regret picking glitter.


My Executive Director said to me “Well aren’t you an eager beaver”

I was like “Oh my God, Why? What have you heard???”


We can’t afford a Trump presidency. The money spent alone on hundreds of new White House door knobs for his wee-baby hands would bankrupt us


Star Wars is just like regular wars except you fall in love with your sister and your dad chops your arm off.


Black licorice tastes like Satan himself made candy and then it expired.


Me: Can I pet your dog?
Stranger: sure
M: one more time
S: uh, ok
M: again
S: maybe you should get your own
M: pet
S: we have to go
M: mine