Chinese Food: $16.72
Gas to Get to Restaurant: $1.94
Getting Home and Realizing They Forgot One of Your Food Containers: Riceless
“I get knocked down, but I get up again
You’re never gonna keep me down”
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The drunker I get, the more dance moves I know.
About to finish my second book of the day!
And when I say book, I really mean magazine.
And when I say magazine, I really mean pizza.
2020 was like “I know a place” … and took us to hell.
The main reason I lost my virginity was to ensure I wouldn’t be sacrificed anytime soon.
Detective: We know you took the teeth and the dental records.
Detective: Look, I’m just trying to do my job here.
Tooth Fairy: So am I!
I keep lowering my expectations and you keep limbo-ing underneath them.
11: I will avenge your death
Me: nobody’s killed me
11: well when someone does
Fact: for every polite Canadian human there is an equally rude goose
I felt that…