I’m a man with a very specific set of skills. Woodworking, mostly. And so help me, God, I’m going to find you and build you a bench.
I get very stressed out when characters in movies are told a rapid-fire list of things to do and don’t write it down.
You Might Also Like
Why do you ask me to press 1 for english when you know damn well you’re going to transfer me to someone who doesn’t speak english?
High schoolers: You’ve sat in a chair for 4 years. How would you like to do that again, but this time at enormous cost to you?
My biological clock is wheezing.
The kids wanted the Zero Gravity Laser Racer, a toy car that follows a laser.
I handed them a flashlight and pointed at the cat.
“Quark, quark,” said the quantum duck.
Most people don’t realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.
I waited for so long at the doctor’s office that by the time they called me it was time for my follow-up appointment.
“How many dead bodies do I have to leave on the porch before they acknowledge me?”