Back to Future II is so unrealistic not a single person takes a selfie or gets bullied on the internet
I got 99 problems and they’re all friend requests from people I didn’t like in high school.
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Me: Okay, bed time.
Brain: I’m with you, man. I’m tired.
Nose: GUYS I LEARNED HOW TO WHISTLE “PATIENCE” BY GUNS N’ ROSES!
Always the sasquatch in chains in the back of a pick up truck, never the bride.
If you have a horse and you didn’t name it Edgar Allan Pony, we can’t be friends.
Found an eyelash on my pizza.
Wished for more pizza.
I’m like a semicolon; most people don’t know what to do with me.
I’m papering walls in the loo,
And quite frankly I haven’t a clue.
For the pattern’s all wrong,
Or the paper’s too long,
And I’m stuck to the toilet with glue.
#ToiletPaperApocalypse #RubbishJokes #Puns #DadJokes #Limerick
? THE CORONAVIRUS
-Alone time – Might die
-Can horde toilet
Me: my grandfather was George Washington
Date: don’t you mean your great great great great great great grandfather
Me: i mean he was okay
I’ve seen enough movies to know that when you wake up in a hospital bed, you rip all the cords off because you’ve got work to do.