If you’re a white guy and walk into Home Depot without wearing sunglasses on top of your head, they legally don’t have to sell you anything.
I got myself into this mess, and I can get myself further into this mess.
You Might Also Like
Cyclists who don’t obey street signs should have to wear their google search history on a t-shirt.
VIDEO: Multiple raccoons take over the library at Arkansas State »
[watching as my wife throws out a box of miscellaneous cords] no! my legacy
If growing up in the ’80s taught me one thing, it’s that my friends and I should have found the body of a missing boy by now.
Some lady at Olive Garden died, so we’re rummaging through her stuff. Just like a real family.
Wife: I remember your proposal
Me: Oh yeah?
Wife: It was so romantic
Me: It was?
Wife: You put in so much effort
Wife: That was Steve?
Me: That was Steve
You have precisely two minutes to consider where your life went wrong as you watch your Hot Pocket rotate in the microwave.
LOCAL BOTS ARE SICK AND TIRED OF PRETENDING TO BE HOT LOCAL SINGLES AND WANT YOU TO ACCEPT THEM AS THEY ARE; LINES OF CODE AND NOTHING MORE
20’s: I can’t remember where I left my keys
30’s: I can’t remember where I left my car
40’s: I can’t remember where I left my kids