@chopper4jk: I got new neighbors today, I hope they like my music as much as the last 9 families did.
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@TheWadest: Somewhere, a ninja watches "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant." An imperceptible smile creeps across his lips. "Damn right you didn't."
@noonanjo: Editor: “you wrote this weird, half the story is a single quote.” Reporter: [long drag on a Marlboro] “Trust me.”
@tuckerflodman: Dad: I'm so hungry. Me: Hi, so hungry I'm son! *Dad turns head very slowly* [camera cuts to Dad patting down pile of dirt with shovel]
@GriffonTaylonYo: Soldier: WE NEED MORE AMMO QUICK! Me: [sweating bullets] um will these work Soldier: [amazed] you son of a gun