*Aims for the moon*
I got thrown out of the zoo today….
apparently you’re not allowed to feed the ducks…..
to the alligators……..
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My only fitness goal is to be able to lift an adult male, approximately the size of my husband, into the trunk of my car without help.
*Really attractive person waves at me in their car*-*I wave back enthusiastically*-*realizes they were just putting their visor down*
*walks into son’s room to find a recording of him snoring*
Help, a wizard turned my son into a 90’s cassette player
A girl with kaleidoscope eyes sounds horrifying.
“Hello, cops? A man in an apron attacked my hair with scissors!”
“LOL sir, that was a barber.”
“He was black.”
“We’re sending a battleship.”
Coworker: Do you party?
Me: Well I do schedule two nights a month that I stay up past 11pm. So yeah.
Tomb = Toom
Womb = Woom
Bomb = Boom
Two things all artists have:
Sorry for the mess. My mother said pudding on a condom was important.