The guy behind me at the grocery store only had energy drinks, root beer & gummie lifesavers, so I asked how far into assassins creed he was
“I got your back”
“And I got your nose”
“Ooh I want his feet”
Mr. Potato Head: *sobbing* guys stop it
You Might Also Like
You ever feel like just slapping your own face? No. Because you’re lazy, and I have to do everything for you.
I just said “bye – bye” when I ended a phone call, and now I’m debating on if I should have my milk & cookies before or after recess.
I fell in love with a female electrician.
…She was a real live wire and i took her ohm with me.
5 yo me: Throw my ducky in the bath
15 yo me: Throw on some tunes while im in the bath
30 yo me: Throw the toaster in while im in the bath
It’s okay if “buoyancy” makes you happy — whatever floats your boat.
I’m 72 minutes in trying to reverse whatever my 3 y/o nephew did in one second to the TV remote.
So maybe downloading the ruler app to measure the snow wasn’t such a great idea
I put the U in murder
Cheap 1st Date Ideas: Get some matching Red Polo shirts & hang out in a Target. Give terrible info to inquisitive costumers.