My neighbor bought a Corolla, then one appeared in my other neighbor’s driveway.
I’m really starting to worry about this virus…
I guess all my problems started when my buddy broke his arm over the weekend but Monday there wasn’t any space left for me to sign it
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Name your child autocorrect, because eventually they’ll just finish your sentences and correct you every chance they get too.
often like herding cats
Some days, like herding feral cats
Relationships: Because sometimes destroying your life is a two person job.
My therapist told me “time heals all wounds”,
So I stabbed him. Now we wait…
Sagittarius: A bad situation gets worse this week when your family refuses to pay the ransom.
No beer or Snacks?!? WORST. PARTY. EVER.
Family: uh…this is an Intervention
Me: LAME, look, Grandmas so bored she’s crying
The human body is 70 percent water?? *looks at a glass of water* damn girl
Make your own “restaurant style” salsa by adding water to regular salsa.
I want to be the optimistic person who posted on Facebook a year ago about how it was almost over.