@69underachiever

I guess I’m getting old. Now when I hear “Pour Some Sugar On Me” I think of 2 things. Who’s cleaning it up and I hope we don’t get ants.

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@TR_Wilson

don’t smoke pots because they are made of clay and can burn your tongue

@junejuly12

It’s not cheating. Or money issues. Leaving drawers and cabinets open is the true test of a marriage.

@bloodysurgeon1

The glove snap before the prostate exam isn’t necessary. We just do that to mess with you.

@mack44_d

So my kid finally stopped falling for the fake throw.

@kateberlant

Once accidentally liked an insta of someone I hadn’t spoken to in yrs so I had to like 1/2 her entire feed & reach out abt getting lunch

@iwearaonesie

me *choking*
dog *grabs the sandwich I dropped and brings it to her bed*