@McGrumpenstein: I had a near-death experience. I panicked and asked god what flavour cream soda was. God didn’t know either.
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@KingRainhead: boy: you have really pretty eyes... me: *suspicious* thank you...??? boy: *leans in slowly* me: NO!!!! You cant have them!!!!!
@ericsshadow: My wife and I asked my son who he loves most. He pointed all around. I said he had to choose, then he told us he was pointing at the wifi.
@BigJDubz: Her: you're in no state to drive Me: Jesus will take the wheel Jesus: can't... drunk Me: but you were only ordering water all night Jesus: *tries to wink at camera*
@DaddyJew: Interviewer: how do you feel about traveling? Me: oh I dont know, I mean I just met you