the saddest part about self driving cars will be all the times people die mid trip and then ur dinner guests or pizza guy will arrive dead
I had a one night stand yesterday..but then today I decided to return it to ikea
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Churches: lmao corona isn’t real u idiots. u can’t even see it
Me: yeah but what abou-
Churches: that’s DIFFERENT
dog: why can’t I see colors?
me: you’re visually impaired.
dog: what’s impai?
Just gave a homeless man $5 because I know what it’s like to be sober.
*sings Batman theme
*crawls along bars of death
*rolls down slope
*knocks out foes
“Miss, you need to leave the playground.”
I hate to brag but strangers were spraying me with Lysol before this all started.
Kids are so dumb u think Santa’s elves made that PS4 yeah right like Sony would ever let that happen learn basic copyright law u lil shits
5: let’s play the quiet game.
5: ready..? Start.
5: whoever talks first is the loser.
If I survived a plane crash in the wilderness, my biggest concern would be how much my airport parking bill would be.
I don’t know the full history of US and Canada but somehow we’ve got joint custody of geese