You might be “street-smart” but you’re “everywhere-else-stupid”.
I had professional respect for you but then you said “recognizance” when you meant ‘reconnaissance.’
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When singers at concerts hold out the mic for the audience to sing, it’s like what am i, your maid
Me: And then, for absolutely no reason, they changed the stars to hearts! We were all so mad
Syrian Refugee: omg please send me back
“My ex was a great wife, mom & never once complained once about ass to mouth” was apparently not an acceptable speech when she remarried?
I assume the hardest part of being in a street gang is not being able to enjoy a Frappuccino in public.
Well well well, if it isn’t the guy from the cloud shapes in the sky…
Cell phones are like babies now … except, nobody leaves their phone with a stranger while they go off to work.
(Animal spelling bee)
Owl: Your word is Mississippi
Snake: M I Sssssss Sssssssss
Badger: *in audience* OH FFS THIS IS GONNA TAKE FOREVER
Let me slip into something more comfortable.
*climbs into a wood chipper*
[movie studio in the 2010s]
“This script stars The Rock as-”
Studio: WE’LL MAKE IT