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@SufficientCharm: I had sex and all I got were these kids.
@ThaJawn: *skips away in terror
@DanMentos: [guy from the 50s arrives in a time machine]
"Braco? Sounds Mexican"
You might want to sit down
@FunkyFresh_79: [runs inside of a gas station]
"I NEED TO USE YOUR BATHROOM! IT'S AN EMERGENCY!"
*takes a selfie in the bathroom mirror for an IG # game
@unravelingfire: You know who else has a naughty list?
@WhaJoTalkinBout: me, as a child: I beat all my sisters at hide and seek today!
my dad: that’s good, but your brother Daniel is the reigning champ