When our kids were teenagers we moved;
hoping it would help with family strife.
It didn’t work, unfortunately.
They found us.
“I hate being half bicycle-half motorcycle” he moped
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NO…I don’t “make plans” because plans suggest INTENT…
…which is typically the distinction between second & first degree convictions.
Ways that I am superior to dolphins:
– Am not afraid of being on dry land
– If you ask me to open an envelope, I do it quickly and it doesn’t get wet
– Faster at replying to emails
– Know more about the causes of World War 1
– Very rare for me to be swept up in a fishing net
gf: remember, my dad’s really into sports, so talk to him about that
me: will do
[later, meeting girlfriend’s parents]
me: so, sir, jen tells me you’re really into sports
her dad: that’s right
The cake is mightier than the sword.
Hey Verizon, here’s an idea ~ $9.99 for unlimited calls, text, and data. But, $179.99 a minute to call ex-girlfriends.
How actors in movies eat their food
The ducks get even
Say no to drugs, kids. Wait until your thirties when you really need them.
Power’s been out for 40 minutes and the kids are asking why I haven’t put new batteries in the house yet…