@someofmybest: "I hate fake girls." *a nearby girl's coat busts open and four dogs tumble out*
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@rockymomax: SNAKE: im gonna bite you SNAKE CHARMER: u are so sexy S: wha- SC: *presses finger to lips* still wana bite me? S: *blushes* well not anymore
@Izianikapani: Sue from work says putting zucchini in her brownie makes it incredibly moist. I told Sue I've had similar successes.
@NewDadNotes: Boss: who wants to practice public speaking? Me: can I go? Boss: of course. Me: [goes home]