@threetimedaddy

I hate gender stereotypes.

Sometimes I give my son a drink in a pink cup and my daughter a drink in a blue cup, just to test their reactions.

Turns out they don’t like whisky.

You Might Also Like

@EggInBurger

what if your teeth were naturally flaccid and got hard when you got hungry

@MrsCupcake79

7yr old: Mum, what happens if you eat lots of tinsel?
Me: probably emergency surgery to prevent obstruction somewhere in your digestive system.
7yr old: *blank face* *small voice* you get tinselitis.

@TheToddWilliams

Man: You’ve been very loyal but it’s best we part ways

Dog: I don’t understand. What’s the problem?

Man: Your talking kinda freaks me out.

@PerfectPending

Husband: I’m going to take kids to do something fun today so you can relax.
Me: sounds awesome!
H: Will you get them ready for me?

@ch000ch

i’ve grown my mustache down over my mouth and all the other ventriloquists here are wondering why they never thought of that before

@ch000ch

hello 9-1-1? my girlfriend’s been kidnapped
“stay calm sir, what’s ur girlfriend’s name”
oh she goes to another school u wouldn’t know her

@turtledumplin

Someone on my FB posted a snap that said “I’m boared”

And I’m just like…….
*don’t comment
*don’t comment
*don’t comment
*don’t comment

@P0tterhead_394

I like when babies cry and you make the same noise as them, and they look at you like, “Wow. That’s annoying.” and you’re like, “I know.”

@MaraWilson

ME: I know a good amount of things
CROSSWORD PUZZLES: lol