Sarah Palin isn’t racist. Some of her white friends’ best white friends have white friends who vaguely know someone who is black.
I hate how commercialized Amazon Prime Day has become.
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She: In the future, can you please put the seat down?
Me: Now I gotta be a time traveler for you?
The power steering went out in my car. Rather than fix it I’ve decided to get stronger.
Shia LaBeouf always manages to come back into our lives at the exact moment we forget how to spell his last name
SOMEONE LEFT THEIR DOGS IN THE CAR WITH THE WINDOWS ROLLED UP
-Ma’am, that’s a pack of Ballpark All-Beef Franks.
ITS 500 DEGREES IN THERE
‘THINGS WE DIDN’T DO:
•Start the fire
•Shoot the deputy
THINGS WE DID DO:
•Built this city
•Shot the sheriff
THINGS WE WANT TO DO:
•Hold your hand
THINGS WE WILL DO:
•Anything for love
THINGS WE WON’T DO:
condom commercials should just be a live-feed of couples trying to enjoy a decent meal at a restaurant with their kids
[trying to eat a pretzel]
the knot wizard hath defeated me again
This is the saddest product I have ever seen in my life.
Last time I saw my boyfriend he was getting on a plane to Helsinki. You might say he vanished into Finnair.