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@markydoodoo: I hate how commercialized Amazon Prime Day has become.
@WakeVII: OMG you guys! Almost hit a jogger while i was taking a selfie and driving today...so please you guys, be careful, do NOT jog.
@greg_vee: I hate when someone steals my idea before I've had it.
@XplodingUnicorn: [out in public]
Me: A kid is crying.
Wife: It's not one of ours.
[we fist bump]
@dafloydsta: [trying to get a massage]
How much for a happy ending?
"Sir, this is a library!"
*whispers* sorry, how much for a happy ending?
@bendreyfuss: “Mom, the dictionaries are fighting again"