@mattZillaaaa: I hate it when all of North America tells me I exaggerate
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@bobvulfov: MUGGER: give me ur wallet ME: stand back i have mace MUGGER: [sniffing] is this cookies-scented febreze
@LittleMissAngr1: I accidentally prayed on people's weaknesses instead of preying on them, and now they just think I'm kind.
@HomeWithPeanut: [Watching an educational show] [3 year-old asks a million questions I have no answer for] Me: Okay, let's watch Bugs Bunny instead. [5 minutes later] 3: Why doesn't he hop? Me: ᴰᵃᵐᵐⁱᵗ