It’s like being a teenager again. Gas is cheap and I’m grounded.
I hate it when I think that there’s an open parking space and then I have to run over a motorcycle …
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Day 65: My dog still insists on acting happy to see people despite my example and training
Me: I made you a playlist…
Her: OMG! THAT’S SO ROMANTIC!
Me: It only has songs about food.
cat [annoyed] Trying to sleep here
My dog and I are just drivin around, listenin to music and OMG DOG DO YOU EVEN HAVE A LICENSE? PAWS AT 10 AND 2. DO NOT FOLLOW THAT SQUIRREL
The fastest way to get your kids to shut up is to ask them a question you want answered.
Apparently Bird Box is not a KFC $5 fill up. I know this now…
DOC: A fear of clowns is not that uncommon
ME: No, a fear of clones
DOC: Oh…that seems irrational
OTHER ME: That’s what I said
Fruit and urinal give a bad name to cakes everywhere.
Wolverines are just smaller, easier to peel wolves.