Saw Helena Bonham Carter walking down Wardour Street earlier looking every inch the mystical vagabond. Was tempted to rub her head for luck.
I hate it when I’m on twitter & there isn’t a car behind me to honk when the light is green.
You Might Also Like
I bet the worst part about kidnapping someone is knowing they are just sitting there in your trunk, judging your choice in music.
1st wise man: I brought gold for the baby
2nd wise man: [hiding frankincense behind his back] actually that gold is from both of us
Personal trainer: So what’s your goal?
Me: I wanna look good in pictures that I’m not the one taking
Demonstrated a somersault for my kid and almost died.
Had a date with a lady I met on Christian Mingle. It was going fine until I told her I was Jewish & her half of the bill was $40 dollars.
Alcohol is a misunderstood vitamin.
Sometimes I wonder what ever happened to people who asked me for directions.
My foot wants to interact with your face. 😐
i’m gonna build my house on your house and if you even come close to my house that’s attached to your house, we’ll attack you..