Flavor Flav: do you know what time it is?
Flavor Flav: I SAID DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?
Me: *normal speaking voice* 9.37pm
I hate it when my 4th grader doesn’t get an 100% on her school project.
I mean, I really worked on it.
You Might Also Like
If ya’ll had let everybody eat the Tide Pods when they wanted to they wouldn’t be out here licking the ice cream.
if i was the one who drove the titanic i bet i could have hit at least 3 ice bergs before it sank
pirate captain: did you finish burying the treasure chest
me: yes, and i marked it on the map with an x
pirate captain: there’s like 20 x’s on here
me: that’s in case the map falls into the wrong hands
Okay, don’t let him know ur a vampire.
“What kind of person do u see when u look in the mirror?”
OH COME ON
I didn’t know how to put this gently so I drew you a picture. That’s you. Now, see the guy choking you? That’s me.
TSA Agent (looking at my ID): Is this you?
Me: I believe that is ultimately your decision to make sir.
A fun thing to do is comment “that ain’t the girl you were with at the bar the other night” on all my married friends Facebook family photos
ME: How was the date?
FRIEND: Uncomfortable. She mentioned that her last boyfriend died repeatedly.
ME: So he’s like a Highlander or something?
I was holding the door for an Asian guy and he said “sank you.” So I punched him. Cant believe that he brought up Pearl Harbor lke that