@sarcasticmommy4

I hate it when my husband starts tossing around unnecessary words like “budget” & “shopaholic.”

You Might Also Like

@dumbbeezie

Meteorologists are always good looking because we won’t stand for being lied to by ugly people

@khook32

My husband really loves our new couch. In fact, he loves it so much he called me his exwife’s name just so he could sleep on it.

@MrsGoose69

Hubby: “Why don’t you ever tell me when you have an orgasm?”
Wife: “I don’t want to bother you while you are at work.”

@HomeProbably

Relationship status:

My neighbour/girlfriend was kidnapped but she’s ok now, I was caught.

@WesTheFatKid

“Because Im a goddamned rock star!” wasn’t the answer my boss was looking for as to why I was late to work, lesson learned.

@fro_vo

the correct way to spell “hats” is HATS because it’s all caps

@simoncholland

My daughter just asked me how to spell bourbon so she’s either asking Santa to hook up her old man or writing a letter to child services.

@Bripping_Talls

Studies say people with high IQ are lazy. Of course I didn’t read the entire article.

@Cunda22

If I squint really hard, nope. You’re still an idiot.