“Accountant jokes are funny but don’t really apply to me…”
I hate it when someone tells me something, then says “this information is not for public consumption.“
…As if I plan on eating it.
You Might Also Like
BUMPER STICKER IDEA: I had sex with my wife and all I got was this honor student.
How do I nicely tell my dog he’s gained 15 pounds during Covid?
I would totally support the development of a 14-year after pill.
Me: I fell down the stairs with a quart of Jägermeister & I didn’t spill a drop.
Him: Well, how’d you do that?
Me: I kept my mouth shut..
Janice, from HR: Ok, so we’re clear. From now on no biting, right?
Me: Yeah, whatever. *adds “influenced policy” to my resume*
I fall in love too easily.
It’s ditches, I fall in ditches too easily
A nation cheers as Bigfoot is finally found. “We just yelled his name,” said the head explorer. “Can’t believe no one thought of that.”
I like my women like I like my golf scores, in the 80’s with a slight handicap.
The only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the street the shit is placed.